My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
