I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize