How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
