Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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