its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
