Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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