So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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