My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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