I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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