Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i now understand why vodka
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
