So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
