I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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