I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
