my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My vagina is officially offended.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
