I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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