Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
