Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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