I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
