I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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