he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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