just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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