I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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