we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
