i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
