Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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