i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
