he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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