I wish my penis had an off switch
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
