before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
