there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
