she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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