I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
