wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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