Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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