considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
