Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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