If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
