Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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