i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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