I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
