so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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