Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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