I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
