theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
