as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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