he told me I talked like a deaf person
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
