i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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