Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
