It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
