hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
