dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
