It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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