She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
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Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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