I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
