woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i believe in u and ur pee
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