This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize