I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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