Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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