Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
