I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
