i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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