I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
