hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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