the condom got lost in my hair
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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