he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
even my farts smell like vagina
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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