My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
