So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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