why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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