**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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