I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
