Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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