i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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