Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
